in search of of Clarity
Things I have done for the sake of clarity...
I have sweated my way in circles running lap after lap waiting for my mind to exit.
I have sat in silence for many minutes.
I have questioned, chanted & prayed.
I have knelt & begged for answers, for guidance, for signs that I'm not completely screwing this up. I have wept long & loudly. I have used up entire boxes of kleenex & had to resort to toilet paper.
I've gone on long, winding drives to nowheresville. There's always something soothing about the open road, a tank of gas & singing songs at the top of your lungs. Asphalt catharsis.
I've laid in dark rooms with a dozen needles unblocking my qi. And inhaled relaxation.
I have downward dogged & swirled the dragon's pearl trying to connect body + spirit.
I have splashed paint to canvas & always, always come back to pen + paper.
I have walked in the forest & stood on the edge of the ocean. So close.
I've even gone on soul journeys to other dimensions desperately seeking answers, guidance or next steps for my life here on earth.
I've paid coaches who've dreamed of grand visions for me & my business, some of which even seemed exciting. For 1/2 a second. Borrowed enthusiasm. Borrowed clarity. Not my vision.
And through all this searching & craving of clarity. Through looking in. And out. Through trying every single thing on for size, while biding my time. Just in case I stumble head-first into a perfect fit.
I have never stopped.
I've always struggled to let go. To surrender. To trust that everything would work out the way it's supposed to without me trying so damn hard.
But maybe clarity isn't the cartoon light bulb that suddenly blinks on above your head.
Maybe clarity has to be lived out & fought for every day.
Every day you show up to your business.
Every time you pour out your soul + creativity into your work.
Every new client who challenges you in different ways.
Maybe clarity only arrives in bite-sized pieces because of your devotion to exploration.
And every time you expand...things get just a bit clearer.