Connection is in the. . . Details.
One of our natural urges, when we're writing, is to use sweeping generalizations so we can say as much as we can in as few words as possible. I get it, I've been guilty of this too, at times.
But, when you paint with broad brushstrokes when you skip over the details in favour of short-cuts and generalizations you're depriving your audience of a deeper connection with you.
Connection is hidden in the details.
Self-care can be as simple as sleeping in on Sunday, savouring the present moment and a candlelit bath.
Not bad, we've got some details and bonus points awarded for alliteration and the Rule of 3 making this sentence useable (if a little typical).
What if instead, we said. . .
Self-care can be as simple as sleeping in on Sunday, turning off every alarm, taking off your Fitbit, cosying down under the dawn-bright covers and giving yourself permission to dream.
Which one makes you feel more?
I'm addicted to the freedom and independence of entrepreneurship.
That sentence has some big intangible concepts that sound great but often lack connection. What if instead, we said. . .
I'm addicted to scheduling my own hours, because I get to take a random Wednesday off just to check out the new art exhibit when it's less crowded. I'm addicted to choosing where I work from the cute coffee shop around the corner to the park to my living room. I'm addicted to saying no to projects that don't creatively thrill me and yes to fellow entrepreneurs who are exploding with passion and enthusiasm for their business. I wouldn't trade this kind of freedom for any kind of pay check.
Which version can you see, feel and picture yourself in?
I was shy as a little girl.
When I was in grade 1 my best friend moved away. I remember spending recess after recess sitting on the swings lost in my loneliness. Heartbreak shouldn't happen this young.
Which one can you feel?
True story by the way.
Sometimes sharing details requires us to be brave. Sometimes sharing details requires us to be okay with taking up a bit more space.
Save the punchy statements for your taglines and subheads. Give your story the space it deserves. Give your audience the details they need to truly see you. It's safe to be seen.